I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
