Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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