Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
