she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just pee around me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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