I could make wine with my vomit
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
