My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
