this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
