All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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