shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
