what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
