Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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