it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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