these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
