I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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