I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
