I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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