Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
