I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
