i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
