I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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