Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
