he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i dont even know how to be here
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
