So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
