You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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