the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
