i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
