I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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