how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
