Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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