Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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