Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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