Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
