HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
