I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
