doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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