i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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