when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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