the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize