Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
