A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
