Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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