the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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