The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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