And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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