so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
