turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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