yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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