How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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