i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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