Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
