If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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