Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
