i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
