Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
