so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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