so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
