I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
