He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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