We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
