i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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