my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
