seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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