He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
