i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
