My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
