So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
