Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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