fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My Higher Power is John Stamos
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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