OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
