Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
