I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
