It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
