Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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