I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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