yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
