So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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