It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im calling her cock vulture from now on
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
