the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
