Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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