I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
